Monday, November 8, 2010

For Colored Girls....Are we all the same? (the little lezzie perspective)

Last Friday I along with about...oh a hundred trillion other black women made my way to Atlantic Station to see the long awaited..."For Colored Girls." Finally. I thought as I got dressed and headed to meet my girlfriend for our "date night." It was obvious that many of my "sister friends" had no idea what the movie was going to be about. They didn't know it was originally a choreopoem....that was written over 30 years ago.

But let's be honest, even if someone had said that it was a  "chorepoem"...most folks would have no clue what the hell that meant? I had to look it up I understood why some people were confused. I pause here to mention that Ntozake wrote her ass! I mean, the symbolism and movement in the words was so profound that I almost hesitated to call myself a poet after listening to the beautiful monologues. Wow. She gets 140 titanium stars for the poetry.  But at the end of the movie, (which was MASTERFULLY done by the way) I still felt confused. Not about the poetry but about the underlying message. confusion was about something else. Something a little more personal.  Prior to going to the movie, I knew that the full title of the book was FOR COLORED GIRLS WHO HAVE CONTEMPLATED SUICIDE WHEN THE RAINBOW IS ENUF. So, I was expecting to see profound sadness...the type of sadness that would lead one to commit suicide. That made sense to me. What surprised me was how much of that sadness came by way of a man! The women in the movie were all types of worked over by these no account men. Hence my relate-ability issue. As a lesbian...I sympathised with the women...but I couldn't relate. I just felt sorry for them...from a distance. During the "after movie discussion," my gf and two other of our friends (also black lezzies) talked about the faint pity that we sometimes feel for straight women. None of us felt good about it, but we all said we felt it.

The movie and our conversation made me wonder, was this an accurate portrayal of what heterosexual black women go through?

So I wanted to pose a question to my lezzie friends.  How do we as lesbians feel about straight women? Can we really relate? or do we feel like we are better, because we don't take shit from no man???

Straight women, please feel free to chime in. I had no idea what I really felt until this maybe you have never thought about it either. Let me know. What were you thoughts about the movie and how it depicted straight women? Was it accurate?

What do you think? Are all colored girls the same??

Monday, October 11, 2010

Please Help..."Someone Like Me"....

Sunday night at Queen Sheba's Album Release, she and her band performed this song. I choked back the tears as I listened to the lyrics. I felt them to my core. The second verse in particular:

"Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope its going to make you notice,
I hope its going to make you notice
 someone like me."

The words struck me so hard because I felt like these words were the soundtrack of my life right now. For the past two days, I have not slept more than 3 hours a night. I am up late, furiously typing, trying to record all the the words, thoughts and emotions that have been building in me for the past 28 years. My writing has become more than it outlet, it has become a form of prayer!

For as long as I can remember, I have felt like I was different. Always" in my head" and highly sensitive. Friends and lovers called me, "intense." And I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable about who I was. I judged my sensitivity as being overly emotional and I mistook the intensity for depression. I settled into a life of disappointment and rejection. Feeling like I would never truly belong anywhere.

That was until two years ago, when I stumbled across a documentary called, "You can Heal Your Life". The movie, documented the life of Dr. Louise Hay, a metaphysical healer and the the founder of Hay House Publishing. For the first time, I felt connected to something. The movie detailed how she used principles of love, peace, harmony, and purpose to heal herself from cancer. She taught that in order in to heal yourself, you first had to accept yourself, and then work to help/ heal others. I wondered if I could be healed as well. To find some "higher" purpose. That higher purpose came by way of my writing. It was the only thing that I loved without judgement, I sought out to create a modern interpretation of what I was learning. I got s p a c e tattooed on my arm, and only 3 months after seeing the movie, I started writing what has now become my first book. Since then, it has also been my dream to publish with Hay House. Not just because, Hay House is the premier publishing company for authors who write for, "the common good," but because Hay House saved, someone like me!

In January of 2011, Hay House is hosting a writers retreat/cruise. I want more than anything to be on this cruise. For two years, I have worked and prayed for any opportunity like this to present itself and now that it has, I want to take full advantage of it. I believe that attending this cruise is the break that I have been waiting for. The only issue is money. I lost my job this past June, and the cruise is $1,000! I am asking that my friends and loved ones, help me to go on this cruise. They are offering a book contract and a $10,000 advance to one of the participants. I have faith, that I will be that participant. In the spirit of faith, I am humbly entreating you to donate anything that you have to help me to go. Please.

The DONATE button is the right of this blog. Thanks in advance.

For those who are uncomfortabl donating online, you can email me at or and I will send you my mailing address.

The link to site is is here: